i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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