we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
