john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
