You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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