I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
