I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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