I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize