At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
