I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
