Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
