i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
