when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
