hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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