She announced her abortion via fbk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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