I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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