I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
