They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
