A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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