I heard we made out
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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