think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
