Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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