i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
