Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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