So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
