her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
