need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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