Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
