dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize