Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
