why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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