i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
