Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
another moral hangover. fuck.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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