is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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