I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
