Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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