Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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