She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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