btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
