My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
