I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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