wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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