Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They are going to name an STD after you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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