You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
