I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
