y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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