Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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