His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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