Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
