if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
