I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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