fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize