Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize