Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's the barista slut.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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