I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
