we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
