a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
