Apparently you make a good broom.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
