i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
