i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize