Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
