Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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