At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
