I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
