I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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