when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
