And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize