nut hugger
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
