I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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