dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
