where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were destined to go to rehab together
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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