what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
