why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
