You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
