apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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