i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
