Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
