As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
