She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize