I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
