Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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