im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
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