Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
