It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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