dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
