The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
