God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
