this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
