I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
