You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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