i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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