Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
