there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
