I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
