soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
