If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
