apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
