So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
