We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
