Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this will be a night to untag.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
