last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
