no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize