Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
