Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize