Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
